Talk with your Parents, it's worth it

I leave home again to return to the Academy tomorrow, but today I did something I don't usually do. I had lunch with my Dad and we talked for about 2 1/2 hours. Mainly, some things that I've been seeing the past few times I have been home have bothered me and I decided I needed to call him on them and see what he had to say.

For those of you who don't know my Dad or anything about my family, something like this is almost unheard of. This household has always been a totalitarian house, we were expected to do what we were told, when we were told, without question. So for me to go to lunch with Dad and start pointing out things that I didn't necessarily agree with or that I thought needed to be addressed was pretty tough for me. However, it went much better than I had ever hoped. Dad was a pretty decent listener, he actually listened to what I had to say in it's entirety before he started talking, and although he didn't agree with everything I said he didn't make it into something bad. We talked for a very long time about some of the big issues facing our family right now, plans to deal with those issues, and what he thought the future (at least the near future) holds for our family. It was an altogether fruitful venture!

Of course, after pointing out all these things I'd found that needed talking about I asked Dad what he had for me. What had he seen in me the past few weeks or even just from talking with me while I was at the Academy that concerned him or that he thought was an area I needed to look at in my life. After all, one-sided constructive feedback is only good for one of the sides. So we talked a little about a couple things and I'm glad we did that also - it gives me something to look at in the self-reflection mirror that I'll have time for as I fly back tomorrow!

This leave has been great and I'm really happy that it wrapped up the way it did. Sitting down with Dad and having a nice, long, open and honest talk turned out to be quite rewarding. I only hope it was as good an experience for him as it was for me!

-Storm

Double Identity

Every time I come home I realize just how different my two "lives" truly are. When I'm home, I can expect a very relaxed, comfortable, great-food, lose-track-of-time, civilian experience. And when I'm at the Academy I can often expect a rigid, stressful, micromanaged, eat-the-salad-because-nothing-else-tastes-quite-right, homework and responsibility intensive, military lifestyle. They are so far on either side of the spectrum from each other that I have begun to question if I am the same person on each side of the country.

Of course, I immediately jump to the answer of "Yes, you are the same person because being different would mean you are leading two different lives, and that is bad." Unfortunately, the closer I look the more I realize that perhaps I am not the same person at the Academy as I am at home. Indeed, I am for the most part a consistent person, I make no effort to hide the fact that I am a country boy from Texas who loves the outdoors, shooting, camping, and adventure in general when I am at school. In fact, I take ownership of it. And I don't try to hide the fact that I am a mechanical engineering student serving in the military when I am home. But macro personality traits aren't at all what I am worried about. That's where a closer examination is needed.

Now before I go on, it is important to realize that certain personality traits will flourish more in certain situations than others. Also, some situations require particular language usage and behaviors that would seem out of place in otherwise typical situations. My two-sided life is no exception. For example, when I'm home I will use Mr or Mrs, Sir or Ma'am for just about anyone older than me. In the military that just won't work. There may be a chief who is 50 years old with 30 years of service under his belt, but I still won't call him Sir (as much as I might instinctively try to) because not only would that be against military customs, there's a good chance he would be offended by it. Likewise, when I am performing Cadre duties (as I have been this summer) I will hardly ever smile. My "life is good" face there very similarly resembles a "I am having a terrible day" face here. Why? It imperative to not show emotion in certain aspects of the new recruits' training. My point in saying all this is that there will almost always be some situation-specific traits that will not be consistent across every environment one is subjected to. I have many of these and I realize their purpose so I won't mention them here because their irrelevance.

What bothers me are some things that shouldn't be different. At the Academy I tend to be completely upfront and transparent. I tell people what is on my mind, what is bothering me if something is, and I have no problem telling people the hard truth. In fact, many have come to expect that from me. Sadly, I find that at home I don't always feel as if I can be completely upfront with my parents. And it's not that I am trying to deceive them, by any means, but sometimes I feel like I must sugarcoat things and some things just aren't worth bringing up. I'm not saying that I should strive to always be like I am at the Academy, because some times there is a need for tact. Sometimes people need to hear things in a not-so-harsh way for them to actually listen. But what I do know is that I need to be consistent. I will always be learning but I must strive to follow the example that Christ led for us, and He was the same yesterday as He is today and will be tomorrow.

This and a few other problems that I have identified will definitely keep me busy for a while. The very last thing I need is to start forming a habit of leading two completely different lives. One day I'll graduate from the service and most likely start a family of my own - to lead a different life at work from that at home would be a tragic recipe for disaster.

So that's what has been on my mind lately; food for thought, thoughts for prayer. Strive to imitate Christ, and enjoy the rest of your summer!

-Storm