Internship{s} - Follow up

I found out about the internship - I'm going to Sandia labs in NM! I'm stoked, not only because that was one of my top picks, but also because I'm going with a great group of people. I'm going with three other dudes from my major who are all cool. I was worried for a while because I know the internships are usually selected based on academic performance, and the ones with the highest grades are really tough to be around/hang out with at times - which is saying something considering I was home schooled and am somewhat used to that! It all worked out though, and I can't wait to get started on the acceptance/application procedures. Now I'm just hoping that I get the internship in the first half of the summer so I can attend my friend's wedding!

-Storm

Internship{s}

This summer I'm guaranteed to speed at least 6 weeks deployed with an operational unit, but for the other 5 weeks of my summer I've applied for an internship. Well, actually, I applied for 5 internships. The first was an aviation internship, since I want to be a pilot. The next 4 were through the engineering department at my school, they were NASA, Sandia National Laboratory, Los Alamos National Laboratory, and Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory. They were all pretty selective internships, only 8 people were picked for the aviation internship out of my class, and they only send 2 people to NASA and 4 to each national laboratory. Turns out I was accepted to the aviation internship and have been selected for one of the engineering ones as well, although they have only told me I'm probably getting my first or second choice (NASA or Sandia, respectively). I'm pretty excited, I was definitely surprised to find out that I was selected for both. Unfortunately I can only pick one, so I declined the aviation internship and went with an engineering one. I'm thinking that the engineering one is too huge of an opportunity to pass up - I'll either be working at NASA or working on the cutting edge of classified military equipment. Pretty much a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for most people I would say, and I am certainly no exception. The aviation internship would be an absolute blast, but comparatively I think the engineering internship would be more beneficial to me, certainly if I decide to go to grad school and probably if I go to flight school, also. My only hope is that my internship occurs in the beginning of the summer so that I can be present when my high school buddy, Shane, gets married! I wouldn't want to miss that for the world.

I'll keep y'all posted!

-Storm

Last Night

As I mentioned in the previous post, I've been struggling with knowing what God has planned for me, especially concerning one particular girl that I see when I make it back home to Texas. If I followed my own advice I would have just told her how I felt, but for the longest time that seemed like an unwise choice and when I prayed about it I never felt at peace with that decision. That is, until this last time. I really felt like I should have an open conversation on the topic with her, and even though I hung out with her the night before I left it never happened. I felt pretty bad about it, and the entire next day as I flew back to the Academy I felt as though I had missed an important opportunity. I took advantage of the long flight hours to do some praying, trying to find out if God really wanted me to move forward with this deal. For the first time I felt like God wanted me to finally be honest with her.

So I called her last night. It was somewhat hard for me to do, people say that guys have a hard time talking about their feelings and unfortunately I am no exception. The surprising thing was that she thought we had already covered this about a year and half ago, which I don't remember. I know I had asked if she had wanted to go to a military formal when I got back home, but other than that we had never talked about us. Regardless, we talked last night. I asked her how she viewed our relationship, then told her how I felt. That part went surprisingly well, God really helped me through the whole thing. The outcome was rather predictable, for me at least. After I gave my spill she told me that she thought I was a good guy and a great friend, and although she wasn't completely opposed to the idea of us dating later she didn't think it was a good idea for the present time. She really appreciated me being honest with her, she said it is always nice when guys will actually share how they feel.

Effectively, she was turning me down. I wasn't too upset though, I completely understand not wanting to jump into a long-distance relationship like that, especially in the early stages of college and without a very solid prior-existing relationship as a foundation. She was very kind and considerate about the whole deal, I was thankful for that. We understand each other and agree with decisions we were able to make. I told her to feel free to call if she ever needed anything, but that I wouldn't necessarily be making an effort to stay in touch this semester as I had in semesters previous. She said that was a good idea and then basically wished me a good semester.

I'm very happy I followed God's direction and was honest with her. It's so much better to be honest with someone, and it was killing me to not be open with her even though I felt that was God's leading up until now. When I got off the phone I realized that at this point it was completely in God's hands, so I prayed and asked God to take the relationship into His hands so I didn't have to worry about it anymore. It was a very freeing experience. I don't know what His plans are for the relationship, if there even are any, but I am at peace with the fact that at this point those plans will not authored by me and in fact won't be authored at all unless by Him.

That should just about get it for my touchy feely feelings for a while, remember to always follow God's direction, and when in doubt just be honest with people. Also, it's okay to be single while you're waiting on God. You'll be happy you did!

-Storm

New Years

First off, happy new year to all of you!

Secondly, why is the end of my military leave always so...depressing? I really hate that word, it is overused by people too lazy to get up and deal with their problems. However, I'll admit that for a few days every time I come home I get depressed. Thankfully there's a fail-safe cure - reading my Bible and working out. It works every time!

Usually, this is where my train of thought ends. But I'm just tired of it. Why do I have to deal with this every time I'm home? And why at the end of leave? Obviously there's a reason. I believe its a combination of a few things, namely:

1. I really love being home, and no matter what I'm going back to it never seems to measure up to being home (especially in the winter).

2. A girl.

#1 is pretty self explanatory. I've made incredible friends up at the Academy, they're my best friends by far, now. Even as I write this I am reflecting on those relationships and realize that I miss seeing them, even though it's been a mere two weeks since I've last seen them. Even so, Texas is amazing and miss it as soon as I leave.

#2 is a bit harder to explain. There's this one girl that has held me captive off and on for the past 2 1/2 - 3 years - and the only "off times" during that time span were times when I managed to convince myself to giver her up. And this is pathetic. I realize that. Here's the story:

I met her just a few months before leaving for the Academy. I barely knew her when I left, but I was fascinated with her. She wrote me a few times over that first summer of boot camp, which was awesome. Then during that first year when I unfortunately let all my previous relationships go by the wayside I think she moved on. I honestly have no idea whether or not we would have had anything, but I'm fairly certain that at this point she sees us as no more than friends. I've tried keeping in contact with her, tried getting to know her better, and all to very little avail. During my second summer, while standing watch in the northern atlantic ocean on a ship, she still managed to creep into my thoughts. It would be freezing cold outside, driving sleet, my survival suit sleeves would be iced over, and I absolutely hated my life. Yet in those dark, wee hours of the morning I couldn't help but think about her. It's been that way for most of my time at the Academy.

When I'm home I usually manage to see her once or twice during the break, usually over a meal or something of that nature. If it's just us it's amazing. We have great conversations and I always come away from it on cloud nine. Sadly, many of the meetings we've had were with her friends. She's a couple years younger than I and went to a private school, so up until this break her friends have been these close-knit private school kids with whom I have nothing in common and I usually end up sitting with them but not able to contribute anything to the conversations at hand. Really awkward, more awkward than an awkward turtle.

At this point most would ask my why I haven't told her of my feelings. I don't have a solid answer. The best answer I can give is that it feels like that would be a terrible thing to do. As I previously mentioned, we don't know each other very well. Further, we live over 2000 miles apart, and I only come home about 2 times a year. I think my fear is that if I told her how I feel that would make what relationship we have even more awkward and what little we have would fall apart. On the other hand, perhaps I'm just super chicken. She's this amazing, beautiful girl that I talk with only occasionally and I'm considering telling her that I've been head over heels for her for years? Maybe I'm afraid of the long-distance relationship. Am I really considering asking out a girl that I'll live 2000 miles away from for most of the year, seeing her only a handful of times (at best), without any firm relationship foundation? Would I even be capable of making that work? And what about her? Is that fair of me to ask that much of her? I think the answer is no, that wouldn't be fair of me.

If I followed my own advice that I have given to many others, I would tell her my true feelings. If nothing else I owe her that, and even if I get rejected I'd feel much better about it myself. Didn't Jesus say something to the extent of "The truth will set you free"? Man, dangerous words, those. Maybe it's the fact that I'm writing this at 2 am, maybe I just needed to hash this out, but this seems like the wisest choice. Maybe being completely open and honest with her is the first step to working through the depressing last few days of leave that perpetually plague the tail end of my leave... Or maybe I'll just go read my Bible, work out, and feel completely refreshed like always.

I'll keep you posted

-Storm