Double Identity

Every time I come home I realize just how different my two "lives" truly are. When I'm home, I can expect a very relaxed, comfortable, great-food, lose-track-of-time, civilian experience. And when I'm at the Academy I can often expect a rigid, stressful, micromanaged, eat-the-salad-because-nothing-else-tastes-quite-right, homework and responsibility intensive, military lifestyle. They are so far on either side of the spectrum from each other that I have begun to question if I am the same person on each side of the country.

Of course, I immediately jump to the answer of "Yes, you are the same person because being different would mean you are leading two different lives, and that is bad." Unfortunately, the closer I look the more I realize that perhaps I am not the same person at the Academy as I am at home. Indeed, I am for the most part a consistent person, I make no effort to hide the fact that I am a country boy from Texas who loves the outdoors, shooting, camping, and adventure in general when I am at school. In fact, I take ownership of it. And I don't try to hide the fact that I am a mechanical engineering student serving in the military when I am home. But macro personality traits aren't at all what I am worried about. That's where a closer examination is needed.

Now before I go on, it is important to realize that certain personality traits will flourish more in certain situations than others. Also, some situations require particular language usage and behaviors that would seem out of place in otherwise typical situations. My two-sided life is no exception. For example, when I'm home I will use Mr or Mrs, Sir or Ma'am for just about anyone older than me. In the military that just won't work. There may be a chief who is 50 years old with 30 years of service under his belt, but I still won't call him Sir (as much as I might instinctively try to) because not only would that be against military customs, there's a good chance he would be offended by it. Likewise, when I am performing Cadre duties (as I have been this summer) I will hardly ever smile. My "life is good" face there very similarly resembles a "I am having a terrible day" face here. Why? It imperative to not show emotion in certain aspects of the new recruits' training. My point in saying all this is that there will almost always be some situation-specific traits that will not be consistent across every environment one is subjected to. I have many of these and I realize their purpose so I won't mention them here because their irrelevance.

What bothers me are some things that shouldn't be different. At the Academy I tend to be completely upfront and transparent. I tell people what is on my mind, what is bothering me if something is, and I have no problem telling people the hard truth. In fact, many have come to expect that from me. Sadly, I find that at home I don't always feel as if I can be completely upfront with my parents. And it's not that I am trying to deceive them, by any means, but sometimes I feel like I must sugarcoat things and some things just aren't worth bringing up. I'm not saying that I should strive to always be like I am at the Academy, because some times there is a need for tact. Sometimes people need to hear things in a not-so-harsh way for them to actually listen. But what I do know is that I need to be consistent. I will always be learning but I must strive to follow the example that Christ led for us, and He was the same yesterday as He is today and will be tomorrow.

This and a few other problems that I have identified will definitely keep me busy for a while. The very last thing I need is to start forming a habit of leading two completely different lives. One day I'll graduate from the service and most likely start a family of my own - to lead a different life at work from that at home would be a tragic recipe for disaster.

So that's what has been on my mind lately; food for thought, thoughts for prayer. Strive to imitate Christ, and enjoy the rest of your summer!

-Storm