Thursday, January 6, 2011

Last Night

As I mentioned in the previous post, I've been struggling with knowing what God has planned for me, especially concerning one particular girl that I see when I make it back home to Texas. If I followed my own advice I would have just told her how I felt, but for the longest time that seemed like an unwise choice and when I prayed about it I never felt at peace with that decision. That is, until this last time. I really felt like I should have an open conversation on the topic with her, and even though I hung out with her the night before I left it never happened. I felt pretty bad about it, and the entire next day as I flew back to the Academy I felt as though I had missed an important opportunity. I took advantage of the long flight hours to do some praying, trying to find out if God really wanted me to move forward with this deal. For the first time I felt like God wanted me to finally be honest with her.

So I called her last night. It was somewhat hard for me to do, people say that guys have a hard time talking about their feelings and unfortunately I am no exception. The surprising thing was that she thought we had already covered this about a year and half ago, which I don't remember. I know I had asked if she had wanted to go to a military formal when I got back home, but other than that we had never talked about us. Regardless, we talked last night. I asked her how she viewed our relationship, then told her how I felt. That part went surprisingly well, God really helped me through the whole thing. The outcome was rather predictable, for me at least. After I gave my spill she told me that she thought I was a good guy and a great friend, and although she wasn't completely opposed to the idea of us dating later she didn't think it was a good idea for the present time. She really appreciated me being honest with her, she said it is always nice when guys will actually share how they feel.

Effectively, she was turning me down. I wasn't too upset though, I completely understand not wanting to jump into a long-distance relationship like that, especially in the early stages of college and without a very solid prior-existing relationship as a foundation. She was very kind and considerate about the whole deal, I was thankful for that. We understand each other and agree with decisions we were able to make. I told her to feel free to call if she ever needed anything, but that I wouldn't necessarily be making an effort to stay in touch this semester as I had in semesters previous. She said that was a good idea and then basically wished me a good semester.

I'm very happy I followed God's direction and was honest with her. It's so much better to be honest with someone, and it was killing me to not be open with her even though I felt that was God's leading up until now. When I got off the phone I realized that at this point it was completely in God's hands, so I prayed and asked God to take the relationship into His hands so I didn't have to worry about it anymore. It was a very freeing experience. I don't know what His plans are for the relationship, if there even are any, but I am at peace with the fact that at this point those plans will not authored by me and in fact won't be authored at all unless by Him.

That should just about get it for my touchy feely feelings for a while, remember to always follow God's direction, and when in doubt just be honest with people. Also, it's okay to be single while you're waiting on God. You'll be happy you did!

-Storm

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